Ashley Kelsch On Being Friends First Before Dating

Your prospective partner can relax in knowing that they can be themselves, and not worry about if you’re going to ask about a relationship. “I have this really good frien. I’ve wanted to be more than friends with him since my friends kept pressing on me. Thanks to all authors for creating a page that has been read 230,021 times.

It’s going to be a “go hard or go home” situation

This is the first question you must answer before you go anywhere near a friend’s former boyfriend or girlfriend. However, what if this person was the love of your friend’s life? If they had a long and serious relationship, your friend probably won’t be happy about you making a move. At least, not until they are completely over their ex and have maybe moved on to a new relationship too. You know that this person was your friend’s partner, but they’re not together anymore, and you caught feelings for them.

We do know that couples in friends-first relationships are less similar in their levels of physical attractiveness. This suggests that looks play a smaller role in attraction for couples who begin as friends. In a separate study of 298 undergraduate students, the researchers asked them how they felt about different ways of meeting romantic partners. While introduction via mutual friends and meeting at school were the preferred ways of finding romance for some people, the vast majority preferred to be friends first.

If either of you messes up, you’ll be losing both your best friend and your partner, and you can imagine how painful that can be. That means double the heartbreak and dealing with the excruciating pain of losing one of the most important people in your life. Well, you are still figuring out your feelings and your way around the relationship in the beginning.

Is there more than just your own friendship on the line?

If your best friend has agreed to date you, then where should you go from here? How will life look different from the life you had as friends? If they do misunderstand, then it could get weird when they finally realize that you think you’re on a date with them – but they don’t. Simply going on a date is a lot less intimidating than a confession of your love and desire for commitment. If you are always analyzing what could go wrong in your head, then try to stop doing that. Just accept the fact that something might go wrong and there’s not much you can do about it.

People in same-gender romances were also especially likely to report that their relationship grew out of friendship. Develop hobbies and activities between just the two of you. While you shouldn’t ignore your old friends, you also shouldn’t try and keep things the same now that you are dating.

For weeks I was worried about this girl calling and texting everyone in her life and all she could do was send one DM on Instagram. If it turns out that you want to use them, think about how many people you’ll be hurting, including yourself. You’ll hurt both your friend’s and their ex’s feelings and jeopardize your social life. Don’t use love as a weapon when it’s meant to bring peace. These are very important questions that you must answer before you do anything. You are going to be in an uncomfortable situation and possibly hurt your friend’s feelings, so is their ex worth it to you?

Pearl Nash has years of experience writing relationship articles for single females looking for love. After being single for years with no hope of meeting Mr. Right, she finally managed to get married to the love of her life. Now that she’s settled down and happier than she’s ever been in her life, she’s passionate about sharing all the wisdom she’s learned over the journey. Pearl is also an accredited astrologer and publishes Hack Spirit’s daily horoscope. In fact, maybe you didn’t even see them as a date at first.

Ugh, if only this type of relationship happened just in the movies! At least with Pretty in Pink, the ending isn’t a complete bummer for all parties involved. In it, Andie starts a budding relationship with Blane ; meanwhile, her best friend Duckie is in love with her. She—spoiler warning—picks Blane in the end, after Duckie concedes that he should move on.

Dating a friend is also nice from a practical standpoint. It means already knowing what someone is like when they aren’t in courting mode, aiming to impress. This can help you make an informed decision about starting a relationship, and maybe spare you from discovering a glaring incompatibility after dating someone for weeks or months. So sorry this happened to you, and your feelings are valid. Sounds like she really needs professional help for all the trauma and mental health issues. I truly wouldn’t take it completely personal, like you stated shes avoiding everyone in her life and maybe is in a very dark place currently from the night club incident you described.

I think if you change the saying from “be friends first” to “be friends, also” you’ll have better luck finding a long lasting relationship. I don’t even think the “friend zone” exist it’s really just you asked someone out and they said “let’s be friends” to not feel bad about rejecting you. Sometimes being friends with someone before you date them can be a great thing. Today more than ever before, we’re faced with a never-ending buffet of opinions and advice that has something to say about everything and yet lets us choose the answer we want. Don’t date anyone until you’re ready to marry them. Most people in the world have no experience of lasting joy in their lives.

You’re completely cool with the fact that he walks around in ancient pj pants when you come over to play Rock Band, that his house is perpetually dirty, and that he talks with his mouth open. You might even find these traits endearing because you already love him as a friend. If you were dating a new guy with these habits, it might be harder for you to look past them to find the good stuff. Another reason I’m all for dating a friend is that you already know a great deal about each other’s likes, dislikes, values, quirks, and flaws. There’s already a level of trust, comfort, and familiarity, and this can make that initial dating phase even more enjoyable than it is with a stranger.